No Role Modelz

On this episode of the They Call Me Daddy Podcast, Torrean, Mack, and Mondo kick things off with laughs about fall vibes, fantasy football heartbreaks, and the annual St. Paul Jazz Fest. From family legacies to grandma’s rummage sale adventures, the fellas share how small traditions and community ties build something lasting.

But the heart of the conversation dives into a deeper question: who should come first in a family—the kids or the partner? Mondo shares how his father’s example shaped his decision to always put his daughter first, even if it cost him relationships. Mack opens up about the balancing act of marriage, parenting, and the struggles of feeling underappreciated while trying to keep “happy wife, happy life” intact. Torrean reflects on subtle but powerful lessons from his own daughter and why prioritizing his partner ultimately strengthens the family foundation.

Transcript

Torrean: 0:00

Yo, yo, yo, what's good y'all? Welcome to another episode of the they Call Me Daddy Appearance Podcast. Let me introduce my co-host. We got Mac and we got Mondo. My name is Torrean, aka Daddy. What's going on, fellas? How y'all doing today?

Mondo: 0:14

Man, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling great. I just still feel like this is an excellent season Transitioning weather fall is about to hit. Season transitioning weather fall is about to hit, and I don't know, it's just everything's hitting down all cylinders. So for me, man, I'm feeling groovy bro.

Mack: 0:31

Hey T me and you got some shit going on. Armando's just outside frolicking and shit.

Torrean: 0:44

Soaking life up In his disco boots and shit. What's up fella?

Mack: 0:48

brighten up your days hey.

Mondo: 0:54

I feel like I've been due to have this season in life. You know what I'm saying. I went through some time where, man, I had to carry a lot, but now I released all that.

Torrean: 1:04

So, yeah, I'm good, yeah that's real, yeah, so max max basically saying is is last week, mondo shouted on obama in his uh, in his content on his page, and this week he's shouting out will smith talking about, I'm frolicking.

Mack: 1:18

Will smith, I'm frolicking but nah man, I ain't frolicking. I ain't doing all that, but it's cool, go ahead, mac no, I'm just saying like, no matter what you're going through, man, we got our health, our kids are healthy, you know. So today's a blessing, man, regardless of you know what you're going through, just keep in mind today's a blessing for sure.

Torrean: 1:39

Yes, sir t. Yeah, now for sure. Yeah, man, I just got back from Kansas City. Man Chiefs lost a close game. You know, I don't know man, I was pissed off there and I guess I've still been angry ever since. But yeah, we should have had that game, I feel like, but Travis Kelsey dropped the ball.

Mack: 1:59

I told you y'all was going to lose before the game started. And when's the? Last time y'all started a season 0-2? Man 2014.

Torrean: 2:08

So you know what's that mean 11 years. But with that being said, man Mac a little excited too, because we play fantasy football. It's called a guillotine league. Basically, what happens is if you have the score of the lowest amount of points that week, you're done for the week. Well, mac was on the chopping block. We didn't know if he was going to survive or not, you know. So he got some good news this morning.

Mack: 2:31

Yeah T, you've been way into it, more than me. I knew it was going to be a rough one. Once, as soon as it started, my number one receiver went out from the Chiefs and then two players got hurt. Like I knew it was going to be a rough one for me, so it's all good.

Torrean: 2:48

I'm about to bounce back though.

Mack: 2:49

Better spend that five dog I ain't got no choice.

Mondo: 2:57

Hey. So how was the Jazz Fest this weekend? Man, I pulled up twice First time I just walked through, said what's up to a good amount of people. When you walk through the Jazz Fest you see folks you probably ain't seen since the last Jazz Fest. So a lot of hugs. I felt like the turnout was epic. The folks were dancing. Just the vibe was on point when I was there. And then I came back later in the evening to peep the final act, but I still was only there for a minute and then I dipped out. But all in all I felt like it was a success.

Mack: 3:30

Oh yeah, it was. It was a very nice event and, man, I got to sit back and, you know, just admire uncle Michael and aunt Tassie, get him a shout out. Man, I think this was the 25th year and for them to, you know, finally just get to sit back and just watch everything that they build, just you know, come to fruition with them being able to sit on the hill and just watch how everything played out. Man, I think that was the best part for me is just watching uncle michael, not tassie, just get the chill and just you know that was.

Torrean: 4:02

So that was my, that was gonna be my question did it feel different this year? I didn't go last year, I haven't been since. You know, uh, aunt tassie, uncle michael, their last year I think that was the last time I was there, uh, but you know, does it feel different?

Mack: 4:19

um, it didn't feel any different to me. But uncle michael and our tasks is like normally. I don't, I don't see him as much cause they're ripping and running so much. But you know, like, like Mondo said, it was a great turnout. Still, like you know, they, they did a great job of what they built.

Mondo: 4:37

Yeah, definitely had that. Uh, like they were the godfather, godmother type stuff, like Uncle Michael sitting on a hill. I didn't even see him stand up while I was there.

Mack: 4:47

He stood up one time when I was there.

Mondo: 4:50

Okay, he just had some straight chills. So, yeah, man, like the amount of days you know they woke up at 3.30, 4 in the morning 20 plus years building something from scratch, bringing the community together, starting a jazz fest when there was no such thing in that area, and like what it is now, you know, everybody knows, second Saturday in September come through and, man, when you just see it and experience the love and the vibe, you like this is what community is supposed to look, sound and feel like. So I can imagine, like somewhere inside, like there was just this like flutter of, like great emotion of accomplishment, like yeah, we did that.

Torrean: 5:34

And so, to your point, mac, I can imagine like they were, they were floating, uh, the other day michelle, yeah, and I I think, uh, and I think we always say this, but Minneapolis, you know, st Paul, the difference is, st Paul is that community, you know, just different vibe, just different vibe altogether. Everybody still knows each other, deep roots in St Paul, and I think that's why these events are important being able to shout people out you ain't seen in a minute or whatever. Even talking to my pops, it's like he, you know he had his vendor booth out there, but it's like, really, the vendor booth is a way for him just to be able to see old friends and talk to people you know, outside of even buying the things that he's selling. So, yeah, I man, I think that it's pretty dope that one of the most important events in St Paul comes from our family, for sure.

Mondo: 6:32

Yeah, man, I mean, when you really talk about legacy and impact and you really reflect, you're like these two started a coffee shop when Starbucks wasn't even really a thing yet, right, or wasn't super hot yet, and so to just have that one location, a second location temporarily, but to really just have that one location and just to see how much impact like that one place had on the community, and like now, probably for the rest of time, right, community. And like now, probably for the rest of time, right, like there will be a sylby jazz fest and the connection that we have as a community will just forever be there because they invested in that way. And so, man, it just. You know, whatever you're doing, however small you think it is, it could turn into the biggest blessing for any and everyone around you. So keep pushing on, whatever your thing is not for sure.

Torrean: 7:27

So, mondo, you got to spend some time with the matriarch of the family on saturday. Uh, how did that go, man? How did that go well?

Mondo: 7:36

one like grandma. Grandma just cold right, like grandma got her own, just grandma vibes like. When I see grandma in the most respectful way, I'm like yo, grandma is the yoda of the family, like the smallest one. But she, her jedi force is, is undeniable. And so one uh context we went to this huge rummage sale, um, and Shoreview, something that she likes to go to every year, and leading up to it, you know, your dad is telling me, like yo, grandma's 84. So like, just make sure you're there with her, walk slow with her, do all those things. And I'm like, oh, yeah for sure. But then to just be out there and like getting there early and having to stand in line for an hour before the doors even open, and then just kind of looking at grandma, like yo, you need a chair, you good. And grandma standing there like a G cracking jokes at 84. Like nah, like I've been building up for this, I'm ready. And Like nah, like I've been building up for this, I'm, I'm ready.

Mondo: 9:00

And so it was just fun to just spend that much time with grandma and just see her in her element, seeing her in there, just finding the dope deal, the thing that matters, and then also recognizing when we were younger and we would go to grandma's and she had the most random toys that be code. We'd be like grandma, where you get this from? And now I see where she got it from. Be like grandma, where are you getting this from? And now I see where she got it from, like we walk right in.

Mondo: 9:28

And there was like this old classic Batmobile and these other toys that first thing she put in there, like she was just thinking about her grandkids and she was like, yeah, when the boys come over, they're going to have some new stuff to play with. And I was just like you've been doing this for 40, 50 years, right, and so it was. I felt blessed to be grandma's bag boy because literally I was just following her holding a bag, whatever she needed, and yeah, I, it was good, it was dope. So shout out to grandma Uh, thanks for giving me the opportunity to to join you on that adventure that's super dope no, that's what's up.

Torrean: 10:07

That's, that's dope man. I'm glad y'all got that time together. Probably reminded you of the the old rainbow days gonna go shop on that rainbow, then go to blockbuster get a video. Yeah, back to the crib.

Mondo: 10:18

So you know, and of course you gotta slide you, she gotta slide you that five dollars or that. Like you know, you don't want to look, yeah, yeah did she try to get rid of you?

Mack: 10:27

and that's what she tried to get rid of you a couple times because I swear, whenever I take her somewhere she'd be like oh, go ahead, I'll be fine, go over there, go look.

Mondo: 10:35

You know, go look that way nah, because there were so many things that she just wanted to grab and put in the bag.

Torrean: 10:41

Oh you, had to carry the bag yeah, yeah, I carried all the bags.

Mondo: 10:44

I was walking around and people were looking at me because I was standing there like somebody's bodyguard, you know, big old black dude with all these ladies walking around, not just ladies, but even when you're standing in line, because demarion went with us also tall, so we're standing right.

Mondo: 11:01

So we're standing in line and these two I don't want to call them old, let's just say seasoned women they had to be in their 70s or whatever and they come and we pay to get in and they look at me and Damarion and they're like I hope this isn't disrespectful, but you two are some handsome young men. And so then the ladies behind us right ladies behind us like you didn't have that on your bingo card these old ladies hid, now, do you? Okay, they were trying to throw you the ass. Then, ladies behind us like you didn't have that on your bingo card these old ladies hid, now, do you? And so, okay it was. I thought you'd ask oh, come on, man, you're touring go. I said they in their 70s. They stopped you before. Yeah, nah, I did that far did yeah but it was just, it was super.

Mondo: 11:41

yeah, it was super fun man to to just participate in that, that's what's up.

Torrean: 11:47

No, that's what's up. So yeah, speaking of matriarchs, right, today's topic is about hierarchy in the family and who gets prioritized first, and this is from a male perspective, so I'll kind of set this up. I'll kind of set this up from a female perspective, just based upon what I witnessed on a television show. So I was watching Teen Mom and I wasn't watching it, but it was not in the background. Anyway, teen Mom, like girl, was talking and and she's like you always got to put the kids first. You got to put the kids first. The man doesn't understand that. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. And it's like, here you are on, like third baby mom or third baby daddy, and you're single and you're upset, your baby daddy, you talk about priority, about priority X, y and Z, and it's like, well, shit, no wonder why you single, because you don't get it. And that's just my male perspective. So, with that being said, who comes first? Kids or partner? Who wants to start it off for us? Who wants to take this?

Mondo: 13:00

Mondo who wants to take?

Mack: 13:09

this Mondo. That's funny.

Mondo: 13:11

Oh boy Hold on.

Mack: 13:15

Let me ask another question. Do you think that there's a difference between prioritizing a girlfriend or a wife? Is there a difference?

Torrean: 13:28

okay. So yeah, mondo, you take it away. And then we got some sub questions to ask for show after yeah, all right, I started off so one just for context.

Mondo: 13:41

The origin story of like my mom and dad was my mother and father great relationship had two kids, me and Jazz and despite everything else to my understanding working out in their relationship, my mother wanted to be married. My dad was unwilling to be married and so they separated simply for that reason. My dad was unwilling to be married and so they separated simply for that reason. So growing up, my dad was not necessarily the one who promoted marriage, nor did he kind of guide and say be a hoe out in these streets, right, it wasn't that. It was like be a good dude, show up, be kind, be courteous, be all those things. But marriage isn't necessarily the end game. Actually, we never even talked about it. So for me, when I thought about my life and lifestyle, growing up in a household predominantly without parents that were married, even though my dad did end up getting married to my younger brother's mother for a certain period of time, despite that season, I lived a life of my dad not being married, and so I was following in my dad's footsteps for the most part, saying yeah, marriage might not be for me, because I wanted to show up as the same type of dad, as my dad was able to show up for me, and the only way he was able to do that was he had to put his kids first. So consistently he would always say, like my kids come first, my kids come first. No matter what, my kids come first. Part of that was him making a commitment to himself when my mom passed as a kid, like I'm going to show up, I'm never going to put anything in front of my kids. So part of his response is just to be a good dad in general. Part of it comes from trauma being like I want to make sure that I do right by my kids because they don't have a mother in their life anymore.

Mondo: 15:44

All that said, that's a long way of me saying I've lived my whole life knowing I was not interested or willing to be married because I wasn't okay with putting a partner in front of my daughter. There was just something about that that didn't feel good to me. In front of my daughter. There was just something about that that didn't feel good to me. But a lot of it was because I grew up where my dad was fully present and I always knew I was first. So I wanted to make sure that Cadence had that same experience.

Mondo: 16:15

That does mean that my relationships to Torrean's point they ended up failing over time. Right, because I wasn't willing to prioritize this partner, this I don't know if you want to turn into a fiance or get married one day. I had no desire to make that next step and because of that, yeah, my long-term relationships were never as long as they probably could have been if I would have put the woman first. That's the only way of me setting up this story, saying I put my daughter first. But that doesn't necessarily mean that it's right for the relationship, but I do feel like cadence is fulfilled.

Mack: 16:57

That's real. Go ahead. He grinning because he ready for this real conversation.

Torrean: 17:03

Nah, so follow up, Mondo. So, with that being said, uh, I know you don't live in with regrets, but were there things along the way that you, you feel like you may or could have done different?

Mondo: 17:19

no, it's okay nah, man, like, like, honestly, they're something that's super dope. Man is, uh, if I reflected and I was like I have an amazing wife this is no disrespect to anybody else, who this is true for but I have this amazing wife, I I put her first, we're married, we're going to be married for the next 80 years and that was the trophy for me. But Cadence, at any time in her life, was like yo, dad, why didn't you do this thing for me? And I had to say, oh, because I put my wife first. If I were to ever have to say that out loud, I would not feel good about that.

Torrean: 18:10

Cool. So what do you consider putting first? What do you consider that statement to mean?

Mondo: 18:17

It's a true story. So I don't know what year it was, but Cadence's birthday is December 8th and Cadence and I are on a bi-weekly schedule, right. So a week with me, week with her mom, week with me such and such. And so this week that is going to be her birthday, she's with her mom and for some reason we're not doing a party that week or something. I don't know how, whatever works, but I'm just like, oh okay, well, I'm going to take this trip. So at the time I was dating this lady and we she asked me if I wanted to go to the Bahamas. I was like, for sure, I don't have cadence that week, let's go. Went to the Bahamas, had a great time.

Mondo: 19:07

When I came back, cadence told me like I got an issue. What's the issue? She said you weren't here on my birthday. I said you weren't even with me. She said it don't matter, it's my birthday birthday. Like if I wanted to come by, I need you to be home for me to come by, because it's my birthday and till this day, it's the one thing that she would always crack jokes about, like uh, yeah, but you decided you wanted to go out the country on my birthday. Now, even though Cadence cracks jokes about it, it's a joke that's real to her. She didn't forget about it. So to her, there was something about me somewhat symbolically prioritizing my time with another woman on her birthday and that wasn't okay. So after she said that, I made a conscious effort to be like all right, I'll never do that again. And so that's just a real story, a real example to me that I am willing to accept, that I choose to prioritize being there for Cadence as opposed to with someone else.

Torrean: 20:20

Now shout out to Kay. She accomplished something that I know I did, for sure I don't know she smacked model to fuck up. Like you know, I'm saying like yeah, she smacked him up like I ain't doing that. You know, I was back in my door since we was kids. But yeah, you know, shout out to UK for that, because that, that is a, that is a check, that, yeah, she got got me.

Mondo: 20:46

It was heat when she told me and I tried to defend myself, all these reasons, she's like nope, oh dear, she ain't one here, yeah right. But I imagine that if you prioritize your spouse or your wife or fiance or significant other, you then give them those keys and then that person is able to check you in that way and I just be a hunter, like I'm unwilling still to this day, I'm unwilling for another adult woman to be able to check me that way. I just don't want to follow somebody else's expectation of me outside of Cadence, and he an old school brother.

Mack: 21:29

Girl, take your ass in that kitchen.

Torrean: 21:36

So, hey, maybe it's a personality thing. Well, first of all, I want to say, Mando, that gives you credit for how dope of a dad you are. For that to be the one thing that sticks out, because you know, I think for you to be there every other birthday and everything else, and through all all the things punishments or whatever you had to put, put her through, that's the one thing that sticks out. That's a that's a dope dad right there. So shout out to you for that. Thank you, bro. Now, with that being said, I don't know if it's a personality thing or what it is, but I got checked like that last night by rainy a little bit, but it was very, very, very, very subtle. So she had a piano recital on Sunday and literally she's up there for 90 seconds max max, and so, uh, I missed it because I was at the game and I was like, oh, how was your recital, honey? It was good, but it was not the same without you.

Torrean: 22:37

Oh, dang, she hit me with that last night, bro and I'm like oh shit, Dang, that was cold, yeah, and I'm like, I was like oh okay, no, how'd you respond in that moment?

Mack: 22:52

though that's the okay. You know, how'd you respond in that moment? That's the first thing. How do you respond? In that moment, though, my ass got real quiet. Yeah, all right, yeah that's the checkmate.

Torrean: 23:03

I got real quiet. I had nothing else I could say about that, you know so yeah, it's not them, daughters, boy, they, they be knowing that.

Mondo: 23:12

They know exactly the right words, the right tone, how to just be like you ain't gonna do that again after I said it.

Mack: 23:18

That way are you, you know, that's, that's what I said, it's so smooth, I was just about to say man, the difference between raising boys and and a daughter like my boys don't give a damn if I'm around, or that's what they say. Anyway, I was like I can't make your game. You going to be good. Oh yeah, that's cool. Just cash at me $5. Like all right it is what it is.

Mondo: 23:39

But yeah, that's wild, yeah, so you know, I got to lob it back to y'all though, right.

Torrean: 23:54

Because one of y'all yeah, I was definitely about to ask Cap and Mac. Cap and Mac?

Mack: 23:57

what's going on. I don't care. I'm going to keep it a book, all right. Feel free to interrupt, ask questions throughout this, but the family life's a little different, I believe.

Torrean: 24:11

It's cool to mute your mic. You can mute your mic.

Mack: 24:14

No, no, it's all good because we actually we actually have fights and stuff about this sometimes because she feels like I always prioritize the boys first. So it's a little, it's a little sensitive because I feel like I prioritize her first but the boys get more of my time. So does that make? Does that make sense? So the the happy wife, happy life we spoke about this before man. That's a real thing. So if she ain't getting her time, she ain't getting her dates or she don't feel like I'm prioritizing her, then the house is just chaos, because then she's saying slick stuff to me, I'm saying slick stuff to her and the boys just catching the fire in the middle. But I feel like prioritizing there's a season for everybody to be prioritized. So I know that after she had mirror, that was a real sensitive time for us, because that postpartum stuff was like real and I never really paid attention to it. But once she got sick and had to go back to the hospital because she was losing blood and she just wasn't feeling like herself, oh bro, that woke me up for sure. Like, oh damn, so this is a real thing. So I had to be more sensitive and you know I was trying to be more intentional and prioritize and hurt more. But then, like Mondo, like when Max time was time for Mike to go to college, I know my mind is going to be more on prepping him for that. So, like everybody else, is going to have to take, you know, be on the back burner a little bit.

Mack: 25:49

So I think in a family everybody has their time and their moments and you just gotta, as a dad, you gotta be able to adjust and, you know, make time for everybody. But also a lot of fights in relationships are I don't feel appreciated or I don't feel like you do enough, you're not trying enough. So when that stuff happens and just me being honest, I kind of feel like, well, if you ain't appreciating what I'm trying to do for you, then fuck you. Then I'm going to go be with the boys, I'm going to prioritize the boys. So in a relationship, you know it has its ups and downs, things change. But I think it is wise and you should prioritize your partner first If you know that's the mother of your kids. If it's somebody else, then I'm like, nah, my kids come first, but since that is their mom, I think I got to prioritize her first.

Torrean: 26:36

So, yeah, so I really agree with that statement, mac, like that's exactly how I feel as well. But with that being said, how do you feel, like you said underappreciated, you feel underappreciated, you feel underappreciated, so does she? Yeah, so it goes both ways. How do you feel like she could appreciate she could show her appreciation more for you?

Mack: 27:04

oh, that's a good question. Um, rubber digger's back every once in a while, shit, what I'll be having a ass, god damn. Can I get a massage, bro? I swear I get her massage all the time. You know, it's like the kindness of my heart. I'm like oh, you had a long day, let me rub your back, bro. I don't feel like I get that enough in return. Now she to her. She felt she's probably gonna say man, I do. But me personally, like sometimes I just want you know, hey, come here, let me rub your back. I know you had a long day. It's that type of shit so we for sure.

Mondo: 27:38

So we may have asked this question before and I don't know if you guys know the languages, but do you know your love language that you prioritize receiving? Oh, and also words of affirmation too, that's okay, so physical touch and words of affirmations for you, yeah.

Mack: 27:52

Okay, so physical touch and words of affirmations for you, yeah but sometimes physical touch, sometimes it goes up and down, like you know, if you, I don't want it after you don't say some messed up shit like I want you to. You know, after, just because you know I'm saying like, oh, we just sat down watching the game, all right, let me rub your back or something, but I don't want it after a fight and after an argument.

Mondo: 28:11

So the top tier of like how you receive love from someone else's words of affirmation, yeah, for sure.

Mack: 28:17

Yeah, what about you?

Torrean: 28:19

T I always struggle with this, my bad. I always struggle with this shit. My bad, nah, you smooth, but yeah, I always struggle with that man. Let me keep it a buck. Like. I guess you smooth, but yeah, I always struggle with that man to be keeping it a buck, like.

Torrean: 28:34

I guess that's how they can feel at the time. You know what I'm saying, but I do think, you know, I do feel underappreciated as well, you know. I think that, uh, you know that's why I asked the question, you, mac, because I'm like you know how, what could make you feel more appreciated and I feel like man, just even sometimes hearing thank you or like you said, mac, like like, oh, I mean I don't think I probably got like less than 10 back rubs the whole time. You know what I'm saying. So it's like I'm the back rub giver, you know, or you know what they do. You know they give you the back rub. It's always half ass or whatever. You know what I'm saying. So, but but yeah, I mean sometimes just even saying thank you I noticed you did this, I made me feel good, or whatever. You know that always would help or make you just feel more appreciated, you know.

Mondo: 29:22

So let me ask a question to both of you all. If you're navigating like a season rather it's a month or a year or whatever and you are feeling underappreciated or whatever words you want to put there, do you say it out loud, how do you communicate that to your partner? And like does it cause conflict, because I don't know what it's like to be living with somebody with kids? But like, how does that conversation work? And you might have some best practices or suggestions for somebody else that's navigating that right now, like OK, this is how I should go approach this with my partner.

Mack: 30:00

Yeah. So I'm usually like one who's pretty chill, right, like I don't want to have these long ass conversations all the time. But when you're parenting, it seems like those tough conversations come out out of frustrations from being a parent. So like one day we got to clean or something happens, and then she directs that negative energy towards me or I direct it towards her, and then that's when it all happens, like that's when the conflict happens, like well, I did this yesterday, so it's not, I need to do a better job of communicating.

Mack: 30:35

She always tells me you got to communicate better, but it's like to me she over communicates, like you gotta talk about all this shit that don't matter, but then when you get to your boiling point, you talk about something that does matter. So I have to do a better job of you know expressing, expressing myself. But I try to avoid those long conversations, sometimes just because we've been together for a long time and it's like you know what I like, I know what you like. So if you're doing things that you know going to irritate me, or or if you're not changing what I asked you to change before, then that just kind of means like you just saying you don't give a fuck, basically. So there's no point to have these conversations. Does that make sense what I'm saying?

Mondo: 31:19

Yeah, no, no, I get it. I get it. I would wonder if, because she's such an over communicator and you're like, let me just get right to the point Does she need? Does she need more details for it to make sense in her brain, like, like, like, I need you to give me some more paragraphs. So I fully understand.

Mack: 31:42

Yes, bro, and I'll be sitting there like I don't know how you got there, but let's get back here, man. I mean, the funny thing is monday. You know, you know her, you had conversations with her, so yeah, yeah, you can keep it up, it could be a roller coaster sometimes all right, so you know what I'm talking about. All right, man, come on, puppy face dude just sitting. Who do you prioritize first? T?

Torrean: 32:08

are you looking in the mirror?

Torrean: 32:09

man who should be prioritized to Torrean nah, I think for sure, like you said, mac, like prioritize lady first, kids next, um, because I feel like it has to be the mother of your children, because I feel like that's the only way you're really truly going to be aligned. It's like y'all both gonna make sure the kids are good and they got everything else, but at the same time you don't want to be the parent. You know the empty nesters that don't have nothing in common, like you don't want to be that. So it's important to prioritize, you know, your woman first, because the kids are always going to be there. The kids are always going to try to divide you, you know, as a couple household, you know as that couple, but having that two parent household, I believe it makes it just makes that it builds that foundation in your kid a lot more like they need both at certain times, like you know. And that's just one of the things for me.

Torrean: 33:14

Yeah, I thought so. I thought I heard somebody like what I don't do, uh, but yeah, it's like having that. You know I did.

Mondo: 33:21

I thought I heard somebody I'm like but uh, hey, squirrel, come across the window yo hey that's somebody telling boy quit lying bro he was he was about to lie about something.

Torrean: 33:38

I ain't lying at all, but I just feel like having a two-parent household really builds a foundation.

Mondo: 33:47

Let me ask a question to both of you, then you both say putting a partner first is key, kids second, if happy wife, happy life. Rather, you want to think about the last year, two years, five years, whatever you decide for yourself. But take that time period and if you're only if you're being 100 and you're grading yourself, what grade do you give yourself on how you prioritized your partner over that time span? Like you say, this is true, but do you give yourself an A or you're like, even though I know that's true, I still only give myself like a C plus how?

Mack: 34:26

have you been showing up? I give myself a B plus. Yeah, I'm taking it with a B+.

Torrean: 34:36

I want to say A, but that's where it comes down to the underappreciated part, because I don't think that person would necessarily say the same. She give me O as a C. I mean probably F at this motherfucking point, but my point you know F at this motherfucking point. But my point you know, but at this, probably F. But my whole thing is is you know what I'm saying? It's the things that happen in silence that are often times the most important. You know what I'm saying. Like it's yeah, like to me. It's like it comes down to well, I did this, I did that, I did I'm I, I, I, I, I. We focus on the I so much.

Torrean: 35:20

Like I was having a conversation with this dude in Kansas City at our tailgate. Some Eagle fans came in and I didn't know them, but they were friends of friends and you know, we just all started talking and we just started talking some real shit off the jump and one of the guys was saying like oh yeah, he's the guy with all the money, like one of his homies is he's. Like I'm just, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. And like. My response to the guy was like now I said no, that's not true, like you're. One of the reasons he is here because you've been holding him down since high school. He's like yo I can spend this weekend with anybody else. After he's made it, he's choosing to bring you with.

Torrean: 36:03

They went to Tennessee-Georgia game on Saturday, which is the biggest college football game this last weekend Huge rivalry, dope game went into overtime. Had everything you wanted into it. I think the final score was like 45-42, like cracking game. Get on a flight the next day next morning and go to Kansas City to see the Eagles Chiefs. Like that's some love right there. But, like you, you added so much value in his life that he's like yo, I want you with me, along with him, him and him or whoever. The crew was Right, and so my point is is like nobody accomplished anything on their own. But it's oftentimes like that person that holds you down in silence, or that person that holds you down the most is why you got there, and so I think that's sometimes what gets lost in translation as we try to figure out like who to prioritize or whatever. It's like yeah, I'm doing so much that you don't even that, you don't even recognize yeah, but if they don't recognize it, can you blame them?

Mondo: 37:16

You know what I'm saying? There's truth about what you said, Torrean. There's a lot of things that you may be doing behind the scenes or in ways that your partner doesn't recognize. Therefore, they can't give you approval, but then I imagine one. If they did recognize those things, they would say something of gratitude, hopefully. But on the flip side, I also imagine they're probably doing just as many things that are in your blind spot, that you don't enjoy doing or that you don't notice, that you don't say thank you to them for. So I think it has to go both ways, or do you feel like I'm off on that?

Torrean: 37:57

I think it does go both ways, but I think the thing is is I think the thing is is I'm not, I'm not going to toot my own horn, like I don't, I don't operate, that. I've never been that person professionally, I've never been that person with jaw or whatever, like oh yeah, look what I did. I don't, I'm not going to toot my own horn, but I think the thing is is what you just said, Mondo, is I'm not ignorant or blind to the fact that, like I have the success or I have the life and I did everything, but I did it by myself. I don't feel like that at all, and I think people. I think oftentimes, though and I'm not saying my partner does either, but I'm just saying, like this is more of a general statement that you oftentimes, in relationships especially, we all start focusing on the I and not on, like what you said, moving in silence what you did for them, all the silent things. That happens.

Mondo: 39:01

That's true partnership, in my opinion where I had to notice where my blind spot was is you just told a dope story about somebody being successful and going to experience all these things because of just wealth and making the right choices, and like having a partner to be able to do that with, and like as men, that is part of our hero's journey, the thing that like fills our cup, to be like, yeah, we put in this work and here's an example of why we did it and we're proud that we did it this way look, sounds and feels a lot different where the like, visceral feeling, the emotion, the connection, the safety, the trust, like all those things take precedent, even if those successful things hadn't happened yet.

Mondo: 40:05

And so what I had to learn through my journey was, like the women that I have engaged with like over a season of my life, like there's a love story that's happening in their head. That's different, that I realize. And I was just like oh, like these little small things that I do or don't do is actually what really matters to you, and I just had to get better at recognizing that the success metrics that I'm weighing has nothing to do with the success metrics that I'm weighing has nothing to do with the success metrics that they're weighing, and that's where I was kind of just like yo. I think we're both not seeing each other's value because we don't speak the same language a lot of the time, so it's just something I had to learn about myself.

Mack: 40:47

Yeah, it's like um, go ahead, no, I'll go ahead, then I'm cause I'm taking it somewhere else. Go ahead. Yeah, it's like go ahead, no, go ahead, then I'm because I'm taking it somewhere else. Go ahead.

Torrean: 40:54

I was going to say, like I was told this morning, perception is reality. And I disagree with that fucking statement. And here's why reality is reality.

Torrean: 41:07

People, your, your, your mind can play tricks on you all day. I'm not good enough, self-doubt or self-sabotage, whatever comes into play, but reality is reality. You know, oh, my friend hasn't called me, and you know I've had the same, a lot of the same friends for 30 plus years. Oh, my friend, I'll just shout out my friend, john. We've been friends since we were seven years old. And it's like, oh, but I haven't heard from John in a month. He doesn't want to be my friend anymore. John's like, yeah, I'm handling business, what's up? We went months without talking before.

Torrean: 41:43

So your mind can trick you into thinking things and you can perceive things however you want to, but reality is actually reality. And so, like, when you're talking about the success metrics and everything else, mondo, it's like we got to stop with the keeping up with the Joneses mentality in this world. Like I don't live my life like that. I live my life like, hey, this is what I want to achieve, I'm going to go after it. Like that I live my life like, hey, this is what I want to achieve, I'm going to go after it. But when we start to compare or start to say like, yep, I should be, I'm 41. I should be here, and all that, that's when we start to perceive things and we get out of reality in my opinion. And so, like, I feel like, uh, I feel like in relationships or you know, relationships that can be friendships or whatever I just feel like it's important to stay grounded, stay humble and work towards the goal and, when things are off, figure out how to get them back on track.

Mondo: 42:45

Yeah, I know Mac wants to take it a different direction, but I just have to say out loud that this is where you know, tori and I often are on opposite ends of the spectrum on certain things, and this is definitely one of those things, because, for me, what you perceive in any particular moment is your reality. And so if you experience something and you have this feeling of angst or fear or joy or excitement or whatever, like that's real to you, right? It's like two people going to a museum looking at a painting and one being like well, what do you see? And they say a banana. What do you see?

Mondo: 43:27

And they say a butterfly, right, like, however God built you to, like your perception is your reality, which is different than the person standing next to you. But can you find common language to be able to communicate between that disconnect, that chasm that's there between you two? And so I understand what you're saying, t, but I firmly disagree, because everybody is growing and trying to become the healthiest version of themselves, and the season that they're in is their reality, even though it might objectively be different to somebody else.

Torrean: 44:10

And the season that they're in is their reality, even though it might objectively be different to somebody else, so I just wanted to say that out loud, not to say you're wrong and I'm right, but just to say that, like in this scenario, I do believe there's two strongly different perspectives on this topic. Yeah, I mean, all I'm saying is yeah, your eyes can deceive you as well. So reality is reality. That's just where I'm at.

Mondo: 44:36

But that's cool Okay.

Mack: 44:41

What you got, matt. That was a good convo. I think there is a difference between reality and my reality. Right, just to put my two cents into y'all's debate, because you're like, yeah, that's reality to them. But there's also reality Because I just think about somebody. Have you ever gotten to it with your girl or gotten to it with somebody? And then, before you have a conversation with them, you play out in your head what you're going to say and how the conversation is going to go. And then, before you have a conversation with them, you play out in your head how that, like what you're gonna say and how the conversation is gonna go, and then you actually have the conversation and there's nothing like that. Or you think that they felt the way and they didn't feel like that at all. So it's kind of like that's just what to mind.

Mondo: 45:27

This is like a big aha moment that I had, Right. So I remember somebody told me, like this will bring in the spiritual component into the conversation. Somebody kept telling me, like yo, what Jesus is the life, the truth and the something else. I forget the third thing and I was like I don't quite understand what you meant, and like now I'm like, oh well, there's a trillion stories written out there of somebody like experiencing life from a certain perspective, but the truest experience is the walk of Christ, right, Like the closest experience to what it's like for God to experience being a human is Christ's experience. Everything that is not Christ is just a version, a fractal version, a alternative version of the one true lived life. And so to me, like everybody's reality is different from the truth, and so the closest we can get to embodying crisis life and behavior and ideas and whatever, the closer we are to the truth. So I actually believe that everybody's perception is flawed, right. And so, Torrean is right, yes, like reality is reality. Well, like walking in alignment with Christ is the reality, and everybody else's version is just the perception or their vantage point of something that is not that. And so all that to say, man, like to your point, Mac. We step into these conversations and somebody says something in a certain way you were looking at something completely different. But then if you ask, like what would Jesus do? Both of y'all be like well, we both need to change our vantage point. Right, Because the only way that a healthy outcome is going to happen is if we both surrender to each other and find a way to walk on a straight line, holding hands. And so I want to wrap that back and tie it to.

Mondo: 47:33

One of the reasons why I know I wasn't ready to be in a marriage or a commitment and put a woman first is because I always thought that my way was right and others didn't. And I'm like well, if you're not going to follow me, I'm not going to follow you. And then I learned like, oh no, we both have to follow Christ. And so, even when we disagree, if we look at Jesus's story and we're like all right, where can we get in alignment with him? Then we both can find a way to be like all right, we're on the right path, because this is the one thing that we will always agree with that his walk was the perfect walk. So, anyways, just sharing out loud. I couldn't have been in a successful marriage because prior to three years ago shoot prior to a year and a half ago I didn't have that awareness on what the truth, truth really was. Excuse my tangent, but I just had to say that out loud you're good.

Torrean: 48:27

Yeah, I mean, I mean, I think, I think, sure, I mean I agree with a lot of what you said, but at the end of the day, egos get involved and people don't act friendly or accordingly or the way they should.

Torrean: 48:45

Or it's people out here that that they don't necessarily want to a peaceful situation or a peaceful resolution to every situation, and so it's like, yeah, maybe that might be the best way, but it doesn't always go that way. And, kind of to Mac's point, it's like anxiety gets into play and you start to build up something in your head. You're like, yep, that's true, that's true, that's true, and it can be furthest from the truth. And so that's where I just feel like it's at least the way I try to do things now, and I wasn't always like this, but I try to look at everything from every angle as much as I possibly can. Because it's like you read too deep into something, you oftentimes going to be off, and you oftentimes going to have to swallow that with an apology, and you're oftentimes going to have to swallow that with an apology. And then it's like, from there, am I going to be forgiven? Because, damn, I was. I was all amped, I was ready to go for no reason. So I figure, yeah, I think, I think it's.

Torrean: 50:05

I think it's just got to find that balance.

Mack: 50:07

But yeah and don't. So I was going to say in simple terms you know, I'm a coach, I come from, I'm always in the sports life. Right, don't be that teammate who's checking your score and the box scores and stuff at halftime. Like we're a team, right, there's no need for that. If I'm a coach and I see a player doing that, I'm gonna feel a certain way. So just try your best not to do that man, because at the end of the day, we need each other. Like some days you're going to be good getting rebounds, some days I'm going to be scoring and it always changes. So you just always got to be a good teammate. And don't check your own stats, bro, like it's a collective thing. But with me saying that, mondo, I have a question for you, because me and Torrean spoke about this before. Is it a shot at us when our ladies say you're a really good dad? Like that's the number? That's the first compliment they give us as a companion Is that a shot at us.

Mondo: 51:04

I've never received it as such. Okay, I would also say that I believe that there are a lot of couples that are together and the dad is there but they don't get that compliment, and so I feel like it's more of a shot at them who are like there but the wife or the partner isn't like yo, you're a really good dad. Like to not get that, to not hear that. It's kind of a slight of somebody being like dang. I ain't never heard that in my life.

Mack: 51:41

Right, so okay, what about you? T.

Torrean: 51:46

How do you feel when you hear that? You know, I don't want to hear that bullshit.

Mondo: 51:51

Help me understand. Say more words.

Torrean: 51:54

It's like so I think maybe Mac should yes, I do want to hear, I'm a good dad. So I'm not saying I don't want to hear that, but like If me and my lady are talking about us or you know whatever, it's just like oh yeah, you're a good dad, but I don't want to hear that.

Torrean: 52:18

You don't want to hear the but I don't want yeah, I don't want to hear like I'm a good dad, but or, oh, yeah, you're just the best dad, and it's just like but yeah, yeah, things ain't quite smooth with us, so what's going on? You know what I'm saying? Like I don't want to just hear, so you don't want to hear, the truth that I mean, I'm a good dad sure, I know that shit.

Mondo: 52:38

But but I'm saying the butt that comes out I don't need.

Torrean: 52:42

I don't need no butt, I don't need no, I don't need no extra stuff like I.

Mondo: 52:48

I'm trying to see if I can figure out an example to kind of give you a better, because I don't quite understand there might be a deeper conversation here that I'm missing it, but I'm missing it right now. Let me think. Because I'll let you think, but here's what I'm hearing. Because here's I'll let you think, but here's what I'm hearing. Earlier in a conversation I heard yo, I would like words of affirmation, somebody to appreciate my effort, and so somebody saying OK, here I got an example.

Torrean: 53:19

I mean cut you off and let me just cut you off. I mean cut you off, let me cut you off. That's a bar. But that being said, I don't hear. I'm a good significant other. Enough, right, like you hear you're a good dad and like that should wrap in, that, should wrap the whole family thing in. Right, like you're a good dad. So that should just mean I'm a good significant other. But you don't hear, oh, you're a really good significant other. Thank you for showing up for me.

Mondo: 53:56

Does that mean they don't feel that?

Torrean: 53:59

I don't know. I think that's where Mack was going. Is that kind of where you were?

Mack: 54:02

going Mack? Yeah, I'm with you yeah.

Torrean: 54:05

Why are you these? Conversations get tricky yeah, it gets tricky. Yeah it gets tricky, but I think that's because if you sit down with somebody and they're like, and they're like what do you appreciate most about your, your partner?

Mack: 54:21

and they'd be like well, he's a really good dad. Like that's not what I'm looking for for the first response like it's cool if you say it, but that's not what I'm looking for for the first response. Like it's cool if you say it, but that's not what I'm looking for right away. Like well, I appreciate him because he makes me feel this way, or I know he always protects, he always got my back. Like those are the things I'm looking for.

Mondo: 54:38

It's not well, he's a good dad like, so this kind of goes to that perception is reality, clearly to that person dad takes priority, takes precedent over everything.

Mondo: 54:53

That's the best quality that they have In comparison. If you contrast Mac Torrean and Mondo as a dad, in contrast to all the other attributes they have, our dadness is peak performance. Everything else is secondary. Just I guess, like as we are as men, if the people closest to us are not saying something else first, like rather we recognize it or not, they're not saying, bro, you make me feel so protected. It's not that they, you don't, you don't make them feel protected, but that, in contrast to you being a good dad, it doesn't match up all right I'm gonna say if somebody asked me like dang, do you like, what does your woman do?

Mack: 55:43

really I'm like she's a good mom, she's gonna feel the way like I'm sure she would you know I'm saying I would love for you to ask that question because I'm curious, like if that's true I'm just playing.

Mondo: 56:00

I'm really curious if that is a true statement yeah, huh, yeah, because there's some people who don't don't believe that they're a good dad, or don't believe that they're a good mom, and the one thing they've been wishing is for their kid or their spouse or their baby mom or baby dad to be like man, you really showed up. You're a good dad.

Torrean: 56:20

We're just so privileged to have grown up in that environment that like it's normal to us, but to others, bro, they ain't never heard that before yeah, I guess for me I'm kind of like, well, I know that shit, you know I'm saying like I know I'm a good dad. But to max point, it's like if we were talking about this podcast and you're like, oh, what's something that you think mondo does well and I'm just well, he's a good cousin. That don't answer the question. It basically like you know what I'm saying, mondo would probably be like, well, damn, I don't speak good, I don't bring good topics, I don't, whatever. Well, I appreciate you thinking I'm a good cousin, but that's it. That's where I think we're coming at Mondo. I think you might, I think you like appreciate hearing that because, like, you made being a dad your identity right, like that's, you know. So I think that's where you're like oh yeah, I love hearing that shit.

Torrean: 57:18

But I think me and mac you know you're the, you know you're the the single one. So it's like for me and mac I think it's kind of like well, shit, you know, I'll bring a little bit more to the table than that, or I want to. But you know I will say my dad did, you know, kind of Recently said something to me along the lines of, like, you know, being a dad is separate than the actual relationship. So that's probably where I'm like it made me think some type of way too, because you know, one thing he knows is breakups and like you know that whole relationship thing, I should say I shouldn't say breakups, but I should say one thing my dad knows is relationships. Like you know, papa was a Rolling Stone, for sure, so, but yeah, with that being said, like he said that this is making me think, think differently on things and we can be sensitive as men sometimes.

Mack: 58:11

You know what I'm saying. I'm not saying it's. It's a hard thing. It may just be a me thing, like how I'm taking that compliment, but because I know, all right.

Mondo: 58:21

So I'm gonna put you two on the spot for a second, so I'm the one in the room. Come in and asking that question to you too. What's the number one quality of your kid's mom?

Torrean: 58:37

See, that's different. That's a different question. What you should say is what you should say is significant other. Okay.

Mondo: 58:43

Because if you say what's the number one quality of your significant other, she's a good mom.

Torrean: 58:52

You see what I'm saying. Yeah, you see what I'm saying. That was me joking. That was me joking, what I'm saying.

Mondo: 58:57

Okay, so answer it for real then.

Torrean: 59:02

Nah, she holds the family down for sure.

Mondo: 59:03

She's very caring and she holds the family down. That's the same thing as being a good mom, bro.

Torrean: 59:11

I guess so it is. I guess so it is.

Mondo: 59:15

Because I'm saying like, if somebody like, like if somebody asks that question, that's just our identity right now.

Torrean: 59:20

That's our identity, I guess, right now.

Mondo: 59:22

The thing is like saying they're a great dad. It's an immediate response that doesn't need you to think about anything. Because if somebody asks you about the good qualities of something or like, what do you appreciate about this person and you take too long to answer, now you're about to get that side eye. Like what's taking you so long to say something good about me, right? Which is what you did. I had to ask the question six times before you could give a real good response. So yeah, man, good mom, good dad, yo. I think I think it deserves its credit. That's a good start, I believe.

Torrean: 59:56

So all right I'm with it okay, so I'm gonna check this now. Mac, you agree with that?

Mondo: 1:00:01

that's an interesting question that I'd never even considered as being an issue.

Mack: 1:00:04

So I mean hey, well, you, bro, I couldn't clean a lot around this bitch. You know what I'm saying. So sometimes, hey, like we said earlier, I give a lot of back rubs. You know I'm saying I, I listen a whole lot. You know what I mean. But yeah, sometimes I just may be sensitive it's all that's true.

Mondo: 1:00:25

Yeah, so we're talking about prioritizing our partners or doing some things different. Right, making other people feel valuable or wishing that we felt more valuable is there. Is there a takeaway? Is there a commitment? Is there something we want to do different or a conversation that we're going to have after this pot? Is there anything that you're like I'm going to go do this, or I'm going to go give an extra back rub, or I'm going to go ask this question or I'm going to go do something? Is there anything that you feel like you're called to change in your daily routine or your habits after having this conversation?

Mack: 1:01:12

No.

Mondo: 1:01:16

Okay.

Torrean: 1:01:17

Yeah, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a lean in with Mac, like I've been working on myself for last, especially for the last month, on some some things that I needed to work on, and you know. So I'm doing my best. I mean, I think I'm present, I'm doing my best, but at the same time, it's like you know, I don't think you should necessarily do things for gratitude, but, with that being said, it's like you know, sometimes you can do shit and it's for nothing. So I'm just really trying to just be the best Taurine I can be. That's it.

Mack: 1:01:55

All right.

Mondo: 1:01:56

Who wants to wrap it up today? Go ahead.

Torrean: 1:01:59

Mac. Oh, that's tough.

Mack: 1:02:05

I know I know we weren't supposed to talk about this on the pod today because Torrean didn't want to talk about it, but it's been on my phone and it's been on my mind and it's just something I just want to let loose real quick. We got to stop allowing people and this has nothing to do with the pod today I'm telling you something totally separate but what we cannot do as humans and children of God is allow people to weaponize God and his words for their own benefit. It's just on my mind to say that, because I know a lot been going on in the world, man. A lot of people have their own opinions and there's a lot of division right now. Torrean, close your mouth, bro I can't breathe.

Mondo: 1:02:58

I can't breathe when I breathe in the mic you messing me up, man god, all right man that's it, it's all good man hey, I was looking at back, but as soon as you said that I looked at t, I didn't, bro, I did see the cartoon bulldog bro all right, cool, hey's it.

Mack: 1:03:27

It's a win today.

Torrean: 1:03:28

Go ahead T Close the show Sebastian the cat Go ahead, I can't even finish.

Mack: 1:03:36

Go ahead, t no, go ahead.

Torrean: 1:03:39

That's all I got.

Mack: 1:03:41

Y'all know what I'm talking about.

Torrean: 1:03:41

All right man Until next time it's hard to breathe out my mouth. Anyway, with that being said, for Mac and for Mondo, I'm Torrean, aka Daddy. We out Peace.